Month: February 2018

“I wish to speak to those who suffer from some form of mental illness or emotional disorder, whether those afflictions be slight or severe, of brief duration or persistent over a lifetime. We sense the complexity of such matters when we hear professionals speak of neuroses and psychoses, of genetic predispositions and chromosome defects, of bipolarity, paranoia, and schizophrenia. However bewildering this all may be, these afflictions are some of the realities of mortal life, and there should be no more shame in acknowledging them than in acknowledging a battle with high blood pressure or the sudden appearance of a malignant tumor.” (Jeffrey R. Holland, “Like a Broken Vessel,” October, 2013)

I believe this with all of my heart. I have children with emotional and behavioral diagnoses and we talk openly about them. I teach them that it is part of them, something they fight every, but it is not who they are. They know it is not something to be ashamed of or hidden away, it is just part of life. I, myself, have been very open about my struggles with anxiety over the years. For some reason, this new battle with depression has me all discombobulated. It is hard to admit and hard to talk about. I’m not sure how to ask for help, or what help I need. It is making me feel very uneasy as I work to be present for my family and live up to other commitments I have. Who am I, when there are so many others who are also struggling, to ask for help or to admit that callings or additional pressures may just be too much right now?

Who am I? A daughter of God. One who is fighting a very real, though unseen battle that only those who have traveled through can truly understand. I know that now as I experience it first hand for the first time. I thought I understood. I did not. Ask for what you need. Talk about it. Let your leaders, friends and family in and let them ease unnecessary burdens. And reach. Reach for your Father in Heaven, for your Savior who knows and will walk the path with you.

“Let me leave the extraordinary illnesses I have mentioned to concentrate on MDD—“major depressive disorder”—or, more commonly, “depression.” When I speak of this, I am not speaking of bad hair days, tax deadlines, or other discouraging moments we all have. Everyone is going to be anxious or downhearted on occasion. The Book of Mormon says Ammon and his brethren were depressed at a very difficult time,2 and so can the rest of us be. But today I am speaking of something more serious, of an affliction so severe that it significantly restricts a person’s ability to function fully, a crater in the mind so deep that no one can responsibly suggest it would surely go away if those victims would just square their shoulders and think more positively—though I am a vigorous advocate of square shoulders and positive thinking!

No, this dark night of the mind and spirit is more than mere discouragement. I have seen it come to an absolutely angelic man when his beloved spouse of 50 years passed away. I have seen it in new mothers with what is euphemistically labeled “after-baby blues.” I have seen it strike anxious students, military veterans, and grandmothers worried about the well-being of their grown children.

And I have seen it in young fathers trying to provide for their families. In that regard I once terrifyingly saw it in myself. At one point in our married life when financial fears collided with staggering fatigue, I took a psychic blow that was as unanticipated as it was real. With the grace of God and the love of my family, I kept functioning and kept working, but even after all these years I continue to feel a deep sympathy for others more chronically or more deeply afflicted with such gloom than I was.” (Jeffrey R. Holland, “Like a Broken Vessel,” October, 2013)

I am extraordinarily grateful for the climate we live in in regards to mental health. I know we have a long way to go. It still feels hard and embarassing to talk about — even for me and I am the biggest advocate for the normalization of mental health issues. We talk about it openly in our house and make sure our kids don’t feel ashamed of their struggles, but for some reason it is still hard for ME to admit that I am going through a depression. I am still trying to work out why I feel that way. But I am grateful for leaders who are willing to talk about it. I am so grateful for Elder Holland for sharing his struggle with us. And I am grateful for a Savior who can ease the burden. I am reaching for Him with all my might.